Arrggg... I'm a bad sister!

I just finished chatting with my sister, Darling. She had her web cam on and I saw her sad face. I thought she's just having a hard time with her research. I did not say anything but then I sent her a lot of questions about our family in PI that I never think about today. I felt her sadness but I did not ask why and just said bye to her thinking that I am disturbing her. After few minutes, I sent a message again and asked her if she needs help with her research. She said she just get online because she did not get any call from us (me, my sister in LA and my other sister in Pangasinan) I asked her why she's expecting calls from us... I felt guilty and embarrassed when she asked me this question... "Don’t you remember whose special day today?" I still did not get it but then she sent another message saying... "Today’s my birthday". Goodness... I forgot about it. I did not know what to tell her. I never forget her birthday, except today. I felt so bad but I'm so glad she’s my sister she forgives and understands me.

While chatting with her... I took some pictures from her web cam and wrote a poem for her. As soon as she gets offline I sent it to her.

"Sister... For all the memories we've shared and for all the dreams we've yet to share, I thank you for making my world a more beautiful place. I send you love and wish that all your hopes come true. I love you so much. I don't mean to forget about your birthday. Enjoy your party next month... Late is better than nothing :-)"

You're 22... and I'm so happy for you!

What a bad day for me, I forgot about your birthday
For the very first time, I felt terribly guilty

But I'm just so glad you're with me, on you're very special day
For the understanding that you've given me, I'm so blessed we're family

The sweetness as sisters that we shared and see, I thank God for it and will always pray
For you, our family and for me to continue to be happy

Happy birthday, dear sister... I love you so very much.

My first experience in US

Here you go Minnie girl, my first experience in US.

Gosh… where can I start?! It’s all disappointments but I can’t blame it to anyone. I expected too much.

I’m fine with the long plane ride although I’m nervous. I don’t know what I am going to do when I see my husband to be. I never got a chance to sleep because I keep thinking. Dec 22, 2000 around 10am, the plane landed in SFO. My luggage got lost because i took me so long to claim it. I tried to relax myself; I went to the bathroom first and sit there before I tried to claim my luggage. I only have 1 luggage bag and a hand carry. I have mix feelings and really don’t know what I am doing. Finally, hubby saw me. I told him about my luggage. We went to the Northwest office and my luggage is there. We then went to his pick up truck and I’m hesitant to get in. Amos (his black big dog) is there and dog hairs are all over. Not just that, the sit is dirty too. I love dogs but this is different. My husband doesn’t know how to clean. Anyway, I don’t have choice but to get in. My sister from LA is waiting in Tahoe with her friend and husband so we’re in a hurry. It’s almost 2pm when we finally got my luggage and SFO to Tahoe is 3-to 5 hrs drive. It’s snowing too and very cold. I’m only wearing a very thin blazer with longs sleeve inside. I’m still shy that time. I can’t even say anything to my husband but I guess I’m obvious that I am cold. He removed his motorcycle jacket and he put it on me. He tried to talk to me or hug me but I tried to avoid him. But then, I fall asleep on his lap while he is driving.

It’s almost 5pm when we arrived in Tahoe. He woke me up and applied for marriage. The next day is our Wedding. My husband bought a 5th wheel trailer before I got here. He used to live in an apartment but he thought a 5th wheel trailer is perfect for the 2 of us (Well, he’s right. I like it when we still don’t have kids, it’s cute.) But then when he opened the door 2 bottles feel off, I still don’t feel to talk but I managed to ask him about my sister. I needed a hug from her so we did not get in the trailer. After we met my sister, we went to store and he bought me my first winter coat, boots, hat, mittens, scarf, etc. (I wore my winter coat all the time even in bed. (I think for 3 months or so) When I got inside the 5th wheel I saw Amos in bed. I opened the cabinets and I started looking for new beddings and I changed everything in bed. Amos still sleeps with us. He is a very nice, friendly, loving and a smart dog. I did not have a hard time getting close to him.

Dec 23, around 1pm … we got married. I’m wearing a white sleeveless wedding gown… no make up, etc. I don’t have any idea about the temperature. If I know, I wore pants and long sleeve. We got married in Engle falls and ride in hubby’s Porsche (sports car) for the very first time going to the reception. I’m small but I feel like there’s no room inside the car, Complain… complain. Finally, everything is over. I thought, I could finally relax and have a good night sleep but I’m wrong again. It’s supposed to be our honeymoon, guess what happened?… The heater quite working and the temperature is –10 F. My husband looks so embarrassed. Poor husband, but I’ll tell you, I want to go back home. I told myself… Richie, you’re stupid. What are you doing in this country? I cried and cried and cried but I can’t tell my sister, they are still here and enjoying the snow but not me. I and my husband are always together, ever since. I met a lot of his friends and visited a lot of churches but I can’t find any good one. We both don’t know how to cook. I got tired of keep buying food so I tried to learn how to cook, a big thank you to computers.

After 2 months, I had a very bad accident from sled riding. I can’t move for more than a month. I can’t even change my clothes, etc. I am not communicating to my husband. I keep crying. My husband doesn’t have any idea what is going on with me. He doesn’t know anything inside the house. Each time I want to eat or get clean, I need to force myself to move. It's good though because I got better. Now back to normal. I am in a terrible pain after the accident. I thought, I am going to die but thanks to God, I’m still a live.

The first 2 years of our marriage is really bad… I got crazy but finally got adjusted. I and my husband learned a lot. Hubby never got married before. I thought he don’t know how to please a woman when we got married but he changed, well… we both changed. We’ve been through a lot of adjustment. We still encounter some misunderstanding but most of the time when I’m bored, want to go back home or missing my old life style but I think it’s normal in any relationship.

Ok, I better stop here… that information is more than enough to all the ladies that wants to know about it. I’m tired so I better end this here.

Happy New Year... my dear journal!

I missed writing here but I choose to give you a break so I wrote all my complain somewhere else:-). I'm not sure if anyone is still checking here but if ever, I want to say I am happy to be back. The fast few months are been crazy for me, totally crazy and unbelievable. I did some mistake that I can't ever forget in my whole life but I thank God for healing my guilt and at the same time I learned a lot.

Now, I want to welcome myself to a whole new life! I'm better today so I shall be fine tomorrow, the next day and each coming day:-) (ha ha ha… positive thinking!) I even have the energy to go to store and do some grocery shopping, bring the kids to the library and probably visit my friend in Stateline. It's been a while since I've done this. Although last week I have a lot of fun playing in the snow with my kids and yesterday I walked with my kids on the wagon going to the airport. It feels good. I think I should start my exercise regime anytime this week:-). Lack of general self-worth or self-confidence just ruined my life. Thank God I woke up soon because it can ruin my family and all the people that care for me not just my life. So, happiness and contentment... I welcome you to my world!


Happiness is a measure
of the overall health, growth, and harmony of the entire body and mind.
Happiness also reflects
our perception of the harmony and functioning of the external world.
The biological happiness mechanism has
safeguards against lack of concern about other people
and lack of concern about the future.
To make happiness our ultimate concern in life
is to align our conscious ultimate concern
with the most basic human motives and universal forces.
If we all seek happiness for self and others,
humankind can evolve into a highly integrated organism
that will maximize the happiness for all.

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